Distance...

"The distance is nothing...it's only the first step that's difficult."

I heard this quote the other day and I've been thinking about it a lot. Distance can be a good thing or a bad thing. A lot of it depends on your perspective.

Last year, distance was practically killing me at this point...distance from my friends, distance from my family, distance from a life with a lot less stress. I spent a lot of days wishing I could be back where I was a year before that. I was in my last year of college, I didn't have too many committments, and I spent most of my spare time with friends that I loved. A year ago I hated distance. It felt like it was my worst enemy; it was this thing that had camped out in my life for an indefinite period of time, doing its best to make sure I was miserable.

One short year later, things are very different. I'm not so upset with the distance...in fact, in a way, I'm kind of liking it. While it's still hard to be away from friends and people I love, I'm realizing that distance isn't all bad. It brings a few things with it that I had never thought to look for before.

For one, distance gives amazing perspective. Things that seem so huge, unbearable and important from a close view, are pretty menial and unimportant from a distance. Distance gives the opportunity to step back from a situation and just look at it objectively...so many of the emotions, thoughts and stresses that are wrapped up in the moment are gone and you can just look clearly at the facts. I've been able to look honestly at how I've acted in situations and also look honestly at how others have acted in situations. My judgement is no longer clouded by thoughts of "what if?" or "what were they thinking when they said this?" or the thousands of other questions that only muddy up any attempt at making a clear decision. I've got a lot more answers now to questions I could have never answered when the situations were right in front of my face.

Distance also gives a chance to evaluate how far you've come. In looking back at situations that had me confused and stressed for so long, I am able to see that I am not (and I don't want to be) the person I was before...therefore I don't want the same situation anymore in my life. Distance has been forced in my life and I know it's for a reason...I know I have to focus on what's going on at this moment in my life and give up the past. One thing about the past is that no matter what has happened, it's all come together to bring me to where I am right now... It's been too easy before to see the past as better than it was but distance has helped me to realize things for what they really were... There were things that I once thought were so important in my life that I've come to realize were only distracting me from what I'm supposed to be. I've come a long way from where I was just a few short years ago...there were some hiccups along the way, but I'm moving on and letting go. There are things ahead of me that are too important to sacrifice because I'm unwilling to let go of the past.

Distance also gives a little freedom. There's a part of me that loves to run...not just literally but emotionally as well. As soon as I get scared or uncomfortable in a situation, I'm notorious for just taking off. :) Not necessarily the best quality, but in forced distance sometimes it's a nice little gift to not have to face daily some of the situations that you'd rather not have to deal with at that moment. I know one day I'll have to face things I've run from (and some I'm currently running from), but for now, I'm growing, learning, and getting the lessons learned that I need to before I can face certain things...

My whole concept of distance has changed...it's no longer an enemy but almost a friend in some ways. It's forced me to grow up and move on and also given me perspective on what's behind me. Sometimes the things that you need the most are the things you fight the most when they start to happen...you never know what you might learn from the things that at first seem the worst in your life.

"You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been."