It's about that time....

Tomorrow morning at 9am I'll be starting my eight hours of testing for the COMLEX step 1 (D.O. boards). I'm pretty freaked out, but I'm trying to calm myself down.

Any prayers, good thoughts, and all that good stuff is much appreciated!

One week after tomorrow I'm taking the USMLE step 1 (M.D. boards) and then I'm free....well, sort of. Then there's summer classes, and pretty much once rotations start they own me. :)

But Step 1 will be over soon! Wish me luck!

Now I just wish people would stop calling it, "the most important exam of my life!"

Falling off the face of the earth...

So it's been a while since I've been on here. Life has stepped it up another notch and I've been so busy lately. There's a lot that's happened in the last few weeks and a lot that will be happening in the next few as well. Since I can't remember everything that's gone on and I'm only taking a short break from studying, I'm just going to list the high points I can remember and hopefully post something again before another month has gone by! (Although with boards so soon, it's doubtful!)
--I finished my last med school section about two weeks ago; Reproductive was definitely NOT my favorite section. It really only served to convince me that a--I do not want to be an OB/GYN in a million years, and b--having kids is even more terrifying when you know what all actually happens/can go wrong!
--I had my last OMT practical (actually my last practical of any sort) ever last Wednesday. It didn't go as well as I would have hoped, but I'm sure I passed and at any rate, it's at least over.
--I learned in board studying early this week that evidently petting goats and cows is a "high risk activity". So all you goat and cow lovers out there..just be careful. You wouldn't want to get anthrax now, would you?? :) Random factoids I'm trying to shove in my brain before boards (on a similar note, flying squirrels can carry typhus...yet another lovely disease. I knew there was a reason I didn't like squirrels!) Really, how is this information going to help me be a better doctor????
--Speaking of the bane of my existence (boards)....I have LESS THAN 6 weeks until I take the COMLEX (D.O. boards) and a little under 7wks until I take the USMLE (M.D. boards). Yeah, that thought's enough to make me have to change my pants....(hmmm...maybe I should invest in some astronaut diapers....)
--I have Kaplan Board Prep class all weekend; I'm so looking forward to the joy of three days (about 23+hrs) of nothing but the exciting world of Pharmacology...uggh.
--I had a fantastic day on Wednesday...in the morning, I took a board review test and scored a 44% (that's not good!), then I went to the dentist (oh the day is getting better already), studied immunology while I was there (because evidently I wasn't in enough pain), and then found out that once boards are over, to celebrate I get to have my remaining 3 wisdom teeth pulled. Eek! Maybe I'll get some fun narcotics outof the deal.
--On the plus side, I still don't have any cavities which is a good thing because I've never had any EVER and the drill really freaks me out.
--I head to Washington D.C. in less than a week!!!! On Wednesday morning we all fly out and we'll be coming back on Friday in the afternoon. I'm so excited for this opportunity and also excited that I get to meet my state senators and representative face-to-face. It should be a great trip!
--Did I mention I have the boards in about 5 1/2 weeks.....freaking out on a daily basis has pretty much become the norm in my life. I'm going to have to start self-medicating...oh crap, I don't know the medications!!! :)
--I'm heading out to Toledo in early June once boards are over for a VERY quick trip to hopefully find an apartment for third year. I've been having mixed emotions about moving. While it will be great to be closer to old friends, I'm going to miss a lot of the great new friends I've made out here...I'll really have to make sure I enjoy my summer...
--And oh yeah...boards in 5 1/2 weeks...on that note, I should get back to the books.
Who knows when I'll be on here again, so if you think of it, leave me a message on here, email me, leave me a message on MySpace or Facebook and let me know what's up with all of you. I love you and miss you all so much! Thanks for being so understanding that I've basically ceased to exist for a few months before boards!

Looking forward

OK, let me start this post by first apologizing for the string of negative posts there. I've had a rough last several days and I just vented on here. Thankfully things are starting to look up this week (and by this I mean no major events have happened yet) so I'm hopeful we can all start to move past a lot of these things.

The next several weeks are going to be intense, followed by several weeks of board studying ending in the whirlwind of board exams I'll be taking. Here's what's going on in the near future...

Tomorrow: Leave at 6am for Jefferson City, MO (the state capitol) for D.O. day in Jeff city; this is kind of a precursor event to Washington D.C. in a month. We'll be talking to state representatives and such about the important issues in the Missouri house and senate tomorrow. When I get back around 5 or so, there's a meeting about 3rd year rotations that I'm going to.

Thursday--Sunday are filled with classes and studying for the last repro "quiz", the repro path practical, and the repro final which are all next week.

Monday morning: take Repro quiz #2, then more classes

Tuesday: More classes

Wednesday: OMT lab and the Repro Pathology practical

Thursday: Repro written final

Friday through Tuesday--home for a quick visit that will be filled with mostly studying for the OMT cumulative practical that is on Wednesday; it covers both years so I'm a little nervous!

Wednesday: LAST OMT PRACTICAL EVER!

Thursday: Board Stuff

Friday: Shelf exam covering the first two years

Saturday and beyond (until May 29th)--board review daily (at least 8hrs), integrative classes, Kaplan classes, and trying not to burn out.

Tuesday, May 29th--9am to 4pm--taking the COMLEX step 1

More studying for a week....

Tuesday June 5th--9am to 4pm--taking the USMLE step 1

Wednesday--most likely leave for Toledo to find an apartment for 3rd year

The next Monday--start summer classes....

Yikes...I have a lot to do! I should go get on some of that studying.

This is all to say if you don't hear from me a whole lot for the next few months, I'm sorry but I'm buried under books somewhere! Take care!

Freaking fantastic...

To top off a completely disgusting week....while I'm in board review at school today one of the lovely locals decides to repay all our school's done for the community by breaking into my car and stealing my ipod, stereo adapter, phone charger, various CDs, sunglasses and who knows what else....

What's next????!!!!?????

Sorting things out...

These past two days have been unreal. I've never in my life experienced so much sadness and tragedy happening in such a short span of time. It felt like it was unending and it got to the point where I was literally scared to answer my phone. I wasn't sure if there was anything else that I could handle.

I still have no grip on why all of this is happening. I really do believe that there is a reason things happen, but things still seem so irrational and senseless.

The hardest situation in all of this to deal with has been the loss of an old friend. Joyce was a sweet and beautiful 23-year old with her whole life ahead of her. She was even getting married this summer. Her death blew everything I thought about life and death out of the water.

Regardless of whether I had ever vocalized it or not, I had always just implicitly believed that people my age are just not supposed to die. If they do it's somehow expected...a long battle with cancer or some other disease, a long emotional struggle, etc. It's not supposed to happen to someone who is 23, preparing for their marriage in a few months, and just routinely on their way to a job interview. It's not supposed to come out of the blue like this....there's supposed to be time to say those difficult goodbyes.

It's made me think about a lot of my relationships in a new light. None of us are guaranteed the next day, let alone the next moment. We're not guaranteed that we'll be able to fulfill our plans for next week, next month, or next year. Yet, knowing this, I still live my life most days thinking that I am invincible. I'm young, healthy, and incredibly busy with many things...there's nothing that could hurt me or many of my friends. It's things like this in life that make each one of us realize that the cliche phrase that "each moment is precious" is true.

Have I let the people in my life that really matter know that I love them? Am I spending my time each day doing things that really count or just staying in the same place? Am I saying things that I would be proud of being the last words out of my mouth? These and a thousand other questions have been running through my mind in the last few days.

I have found out in the past few days who the real friends and real support system in my life are. I have gotten countless emails, messages, phone calls, hugs, and support in the last few days and it has shown me what a great support system I have. The friends who have seen me break down and just completely lose it over the past few days have been an amazing support. I have had so many people let me know that if I ever need to talk that they're there for me. The people who have understood me in the moments that I haven't been able to talk about any of it, and the friends that have been there to just give much needed hugs when all I could do was cry have meant the world to me in the past few days. I can't express how loved and supported I have felt.

There is still a lot of pain that is going on for every person involved in all of these situations. There's no sense to a lot of what happens. It's going to be a rough road ahead for so many people involved in all of these situations and so many people need all of your prayers. Thank you to all of you, though, who have already let me and so many other people know that you are supporting and praying for us. It means so much right now.

Your smile, laugh and caring heart will be missed so much Joyce. We love you. (Joyce Crandall 1983-2007)

Breaking Heart

I don't even know what to say at this point...I just found out that a friend of mine from college was killed yesterday morning in a car accident on her way to a job interview. She was only 23 years old and had her whole life ahead of her. She was supposed to get married this summer.... Please pray for her family, fiance, and many many hurting friends. None of this is making any sense.
Thanks for the support friends....
Much love, Melissa

Hurting Heart

Do you ever have those days where it feels like everything just hits you all at once? After the last 24 hours I feel like I've been run over by a dump truck and I'm pretty sure it's getting ready to back over me again....

I'm not gonna lie...I'm stressed about what's going on with my dad. For one, this is my dad...I'm a proud daddy's girl and as silly as it sounds he's always been invincible in my eyes. Even with his heart attack before, he recovered quickly. But knowing there's the possibility that he might not be able to walk freaks me out. I know that he'll most likely end up being fine ,but he's my dad....I'm just praying for this whole situation.

On top of this, there's a friend of mine who's going through a very difficult situation and is not making the best of decisions right now. I hurt for her because I know she's in so much pain...I feel completely helpless to do anything and that makes it hurt even more.

Lastly, I got the phone call today that I've been dreading for a while now. My professor from undergrad who's been missing since January was found today; they found his body in northern Michigan in what looks like an apparent suicide. I hurt for his family, I hurt for everyone who knew him, and regardless of what issues I may have ever had with him, I hurt too because this is a big loss. Regardless of who anyone is, what's gone on, what history is there, this is just not the way you want things to end for anyone.

Today was a grey, rainy day and it felt like it fit pretty well...I have this knawing feeling that there's more around the corner, but I don't even want to think about that right now.

If you think of it, I and everyone involved in each of these situations could use your prayers right about now....Thanks friends.