Between the Lines: Sorting things out...

These past two days have been unreal. I've never in my life experienced so much sadness and tragedy happening in such a short span of time. It felt like it was unending and it got to the point where I was literally scared to answer my phone. I wasn't sure if there was anything else that I could handle.

I still have no grip on why all of this is happening. I really do believe that there is a reason things happen, but things still seem so irrational and senseless.

The hardest situation in all of this to deal with has been the loss of an old friend. Joyce was a sweet and beautiful 23-year old with her whole life ahead of her. She was even getting married this summer. Her death blew everything I thought about life and death out of the water.

Regardless of whether I had ever vocalized it or not, I had always just implicitly believed that people my age are just not supposed to die. If they do it's somehow expected...a long battle with cancer or some other disease, a long emotional struggle, etc. It's not supposed to happen to someone who is 23, preparing for their marriage in a few months, and just routinely on their way to a job interview. It's not supposed to come out of the blue like this....there's supposed to be time to say those difficult goodbyes.

It's made me think about a lot of my relationships in a new light. None of us are guaranteed the next day, let alone the next moment. We're not guaranteed that we'll be able to fulfill our plans for next week, next month, or next year. Yet, knowing this, I still live my life most days thinking that I am invincible. I'm young, healthy, and incredibly busy with many things...there's nothing that could hurt me or many of my friends. It's things like this in life that make each one of us realize that the cliche phrase that "each moment is precious" is true.

Have I let the people in my life that really matter know that I love them? Am I spending my time each day doing things that really count or just staying in the same place? Am I saying things that I would be proud of being the last words out of my mouth? These and a thousand other questions have been running through my mind in the last few days.

I have found out in the past few days who the real friends and real support system in my life are. I have gotten countless emails, messages, phone calls, hugs, and support in the last few days and it has shown me what a great support system I have. The friends who have seen me break down and just completely lose it over the past few days have been an amazing support. I have had so many people let me know that if I ever need to talk that they're there for me. The people who have understood me in the moments that I haven't been able to talk about any of it, and the friends that have been there to just give much needed hugs when all I could do was cry have meant the world to me in the past few days. I can't express how loved and supported I have felt.

There is still a lot of pain that is going on for every person involved in all of these situations. There's no sense to a lot of what happens. It's going to be a rough road ahead for so many people involved in all of these situations and so many people need all of your prayers. Thank you to all of you, though, who have already let me and so many other people know that you are supporting and praying for us. It means so much right now.