Who am I?

Note: Before reading this, please know that I am not trying to write this in a cocky way at all. I hope that things that are said here are taken in the spirit with which they were intended. Of all people, I have no delusions about exactly who I am. I'm not at a point where I can be totally open about all of the not so pretty things in my life, but trust me when I say that they are there and I am making attempts to deal with each issue. I am not trying to make myself sound like anything more than I am. I am only who I am because I have been blessed with so much. :) OK....now I'll actually start the post!

The last few weeks I've been thinking about a lot of things in my life. Things from my very distant past, things from the more recent past, and my future have been dominating my thoughts. Questions like, "What have I become?", "Am I becoming who I say I want to be?", "What needs changing in my life?" and a thousand others have been flooding my brain constantly it seems. At the center of all these questions, there is one question...."Who am I?" Today...right now, as I sit here typing....Who am I? What are the things I can say about myself that are true today? It seems like to me in many situations past and present, I have been obsessed with constantly "apologizing" for who I am and who I want to be. In order to please those around me, I have apologized...for things that are a huge part of who I am! This shouldn't be the case, and in order to stop apologizing for things that I have no business feeling bad for in the first place, I need to know who I am!
With this in mind I sat down to write out a list of who I am; now before I post this list, I feel like I should reveal a few things. I am not perfect (shocker, I know) and I know this; while I am aware of this, I am not ready for the rest of the world to come face-to-face with that painfully obvious fact. With that in mind, I haven't fully disclosed EVERYTHING that I am on here. It's mostly positives with a few necessary negatives thrown in, but please don't think that I'm trying to say I'm perfect. I know I'm not, but I'm not able to face all of that openly yet, so please have some patience with me while I work towards who God has for me to be! Here goes....

I am:

I am…a child of God no matter where I’ve been, no matter what I’ve done.
I am …loved by God and seen as being worth His son’s death
I am…created uniquely; there is no one exactly like me now or ever.
I am…created for a purpose that is SO much bigger than I can imagine.
I am…blessed with a family that loves me and supports me daily.
I am …blessed with friends who make me smile daily with cards, messages, phone calls, trips, and so many other things.
I am…blessed to have a reason to laugh daily.
I am…forgiven for every mistake and bad choice I’ve ever made.
I am…completely passionate about medicine and can’t wait to see where my road in life leads me.
I am…willing to make sacrifices for what is important to me—family, friends, career, purpose, and my goals
I am…a work in progress.
I am…guilty; I have done many things I shouldn’t have but am trying daily to learn from the mistakes and move on.
I am…a girl who’s been hurt a few times, but is learning to work through each situation and find the lesson in it.
I am…a girl with goals, an education, and ambition…get over it! :-)
I am…not always as strong as I’d like people to think I am.
I am…more stubborn than you know.
I am…determined to succeed.
I am…determined to follow my calling in life, even though I’ve taken a few detours along the way.
I am…trying to make amends for things in my past.
I am…working to become who God wants me to become.
I am…an adrenaline junkie who lives for all things ER! :-)
I am…going to be in Toledo, OH a year from now on rotations in a hospital and so excited about it!
I am…2 ½ years from having the title “Doctor” before my name.
I am…completely freaked out about the previous statement.
I am…taking the first step of the national board exams in 6 months….also freaked out about that too!
I am…just like every other girl who wants to eventually find someone she can trust, who treats her like a princess, and is not freaked out by what I want to do with my life….is that too much to ask? :-)
I am…learning the lesson of patience for the millionth time.
I am…blessed with people I see daily that care about me and make me laugh when things are tough.
I am…blessed to be at a school that I love, learning to do what I’ve dreamed about doing for so long, and finally getting where I’ve always wanted to go.
I am…blessed to know (at least I believe) what my purpose and direction in life should be and to have the ability to pursue it.
I am…blessed beyond any words I can think of to have a Father/Abba who loves me, would do anything for me, and loves me in spite of the thousands of times I’ve let Him down and turned away from everything He’s ever wanted for me.
I am…a person who’s been given more second chances than I could ever deserve.
I am…not yet who I am supposed to be…but I’m on my way!
I am…a weird, quirky, sarcastic, stubborn, loud, hyperactive, ditzy (sometimes), blonde (usually :-) ), Christian daughter/sister/friend/med student/family member/human being that’s done apologizing for being who she’s been created to be.

I am…NOTHING WITHOUT MY JESUS.

Yes, I have flaws, yes I’ve made mistakes, but at the end of the day I’m still just me. There are things I love about myself and things God’s still working on, but I am me and I’m not going to change from who He has for me to be! I love where I’m at, who I’m becoming and who I get to take that journey with. I’m learning from the past and moving forward. From this point on, I make no apologies for the things that have been placed in me to make me uniquely me….If you don’t like me….take it up with God! :-) Thanks for listening to my rant…I’ve been learning a lot lately, and I hope it continues!

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”—Howard Thurman

“Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for broke.”—Eliot Wiggington

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”—Alfred D. Souza