Prayers...

I just found out tonight that a college professor of mine has been missing since January 5th...while we didn't always exactly see eye to eye, this has to be a horrible time for his wife and family. Please pray for his family in this time and that they might find him safe...Thanks guys...
http://www.southbendtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070116/News01/70116017

Blessed with peace...

Recently I've had a change of perspective... I know it has nothing to do with me or anything I've done. It's all completely this amazing gift I've gotten.

I tend to be a fairly high-strung, high-stress person when it comes to school, my career, etc. etc. etc.... This being said, this semester is far more stressful than any I've had yet in the last 18 1/2 years of school. :) I've been dreading this semester since the day in high school I decided that I wanted to go to medical school....OK maybe not then, but at least since the day I found out there were three steps to the medical licensing boards and that step one is like the MCAT (admissions test for med school) on some serious crack (my own "eloquent" words).

I know what's ahead of me this semester...I've got to make it through renal and some of the toughest pathology we've ever had, I've got to pass endocrine, reproductive and integrative and learn them well, I have the COMLEX and USMLE (step one of the D.O. and M.D. boards respectively) in about 5 months (and I need to do well on these if I want to get a competitive residency), I have summer classes and all of the cumulative finals for the first two years to pass, I have to tutor, teach CPR, fulfill my AMA officer duties, attend conferences, attend Kaplan classes, attend regular classes, and do the thousand other tiny little things that fill each day. I have to do all of this in more in the short 24 hours I'm given each day and do well so that I can succeed in what I feel I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm always two steps ahead of where I'm currently at...working through all of the scenarios in my head of what could happen if I get low scores on the boards, what happens if I don't get enough studying done before the most recent test, etc.....I stress over things that haven't even happened yet! In short, I'm the world's largest control-freak...I always have been, but I'm trying to get better!

What's weird (in a good way) is lately it's been different. I've had this peace that makes no sense to me, but I love it....Whenever I start to get stressed out, there's this small voice that whispers just what I need to hear at that moment...It's been happening a lot lately.

--I'm planning the dates that I'll be taking the USMLE and COMLEX, which would be stressful because now it puts a definite time constraint on how long I have left to study...and still there's this peace.

--I'm starting my Kaplan Board Prep class this weekend (20 hours of Biochem in three days!) which freaks me out...and still, there's this peace.

--I'm studying for the renal pathology practical which has SO much information and is a lot more difficult than most of what we've seen in pathology so far; I've got hours on hours ahead of me worth of studying in the next 1 1/2 days...and still there's this peace.

--I've got the renal final exam on Friday that's the day after the path practical; there's a lot of difficult lectures on there...and still there's this peace.

--Some plans of mine didn't work out that I was really looking forward too...and still there's this amazing peace!

--I have this gigantic fear of failure that looms over so many things I do in life and it's trying to raise it's gigantic head in more ways than one this semester....and above all that I have this peace.

--Life hasn't stopped throwing curveballs at me just because I'm busy with school; there's relational problems, emotional drama, conflict inside of me over who I am...and even when dealing with all of this, there's a peace.

Life is unpredictable, stressful, fast-paced, draining, and so many other things so much of the time, but through everything that's been happening lately, I've been blessed with a peace. I'm not always taking the time to realize that it's there, but I'm working on it. I'm not running from situations that I should be dealing with, but through all of the stress and exhaustion of life, I still feel like I'm getting a chance to rest and breathe each day...

Just thought I'd share these amazing moments with you guys!

"My grace is enough for you...my strength is made perfect in weakness."

Gentle reminder...

There are certain times that you just know that God is trying to tell you something...something you really need to hear. This morning I was reading and I came across this passage, and in more ways than one, I needed to be reminded of it again...

Matthew 6:25-34
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (TNIV)

The kidney is my enemy...

This is how renal makes me feel....Grr....A whole weekend of studying and still I'll be spending my "day off" studying for this "quiz" on Tuesday!! Thankfully we're in the last week....the kidney is beating me down.... :) 4 more days!!

Today I'm thankful for..

There are a ton of people who daily make a difference in my life, and one of them is my brother. The picture above is of my brother, sister, and I from my sister's wedding this last summer.

Yesterday I was reminded again how lucky I am to have a brother like I do. Not only does he let me live in his house with him for pretty dirt-cheap :) but he does so many other things for me too. He always calls if he's at the store to see if I need anything, he's helped me countless times when my car has stopped working (again), and he's always there for me.

Growing up, we had a typical older brother/little sister relationship. Not only was he bigger than me (so I was basically a toy to him and my older sister) I believed everything the boy told me! Whether it was that there were snakes that lived in the toilet (which made me afraid to ever go to the bathroom) or that you didn't have to stop at stop signs without white lines around the edges, it didn't matter what age I was...I usually believed everything he said.

For the last 23+ years of my life he's put up with me barging in when he's hanging out with friends, bumming rides from him when I was too young to drive, all the little sarcastic remarks I make daily (although he's a lot better at that than I am!), and now he puts up with living with me....voluntarily!

Last night we went out to get some Chinese food and just hang out. I love the times when I just get to spend time with my brother and talk. We laugh a lot and I always end up leaving realizing just how lucky I am to have some of the relationships that I do with my family members. Sure, we're not the most functional family on the face of the planet, but at least we can laugh at ourselves! :) Last night we had some really great conversations. We've come a lot farther in our relationship since we've lived together for the last year and a half. It used to be that we would just see each other on breaks from school when the whole family was home. Now that we see each other everyday, we talk about a lot more things. We got to talking about relationships last night, and we had a conversation I never thought I would have with my brother. It was great getting a guy's perspective on some things, and great hearing about his life too. And of course, like every time we get to spend time together, the night had more than one time I was laughing so hard I was crying because of what we were talking about.

It was one of those great nights where for a few hours you can just step out of whatever craziness is going on in your life and just connect with someone who is truly one of your greatest friends...I'm just lucky that he's my brother! (Now if only I could find him a nice girl.... :) ) hehehe

Head over heels...

...but not in a good way!

Today truly was the "pickle on the crap sandwich that was my week." :) It's just been one of those rough weeks that feels like it takes forever to get through and nothing could go right. Oh well, we all have those weeks, but I'm just glad it's mostly over!

It was a rough week for a lot of reasons...I feel way behind in studying because I've been trying to prep for tutoring the first years that I do, so a lot of my studying has fallen by the side.

On top of that, yesterday I had to work as an Ambassador for a prospective student interview day. It was pretty nice outside, so while I was taking people to their interviews, I left my coat in the student lounge. When I finally got back to get it, there was still a black pea coat there, but it wasn't mine! I sent out an email to the student body, but nothing has turned up yet. I think that probably a prospective student picked mine up by mistake, so for all I know it could be in Texas by now! :-p....

On top of all this, we've been having a lot of schedule changes, lecture cancellations, lecture reschedulings, etc. etc. etc....It's been a rough section so far, and this week was enough to make all of us almost explode!

Well, back to my "today being the pickle on the crap sandwich." This morning at school, in between classes I was going to walk over to the study hall and sign up for a room over my lunch break so I could at least be a little productive in between class and tutoring. I didn't know that in the last two hours I had been in lecture, that it had iced up and as I walked out the door, my feet completely slipped out from underneath me and I landed straight on my tailbone and back! Ouch!

Needless to say, since then I've been hobbling around like an old person, and VERY gingerly sitting down! Matt tried to help me out and work on me a little this afternoon. It helped some, but (for lack of a better way of saying it!), my butt is still killing me! I'm hoping I just bruised my tailbone pretty badly...It's that dull ache that comes with bone pain so I know it's my tailbone.

All I could think of when I fell was, "I don't want to have to get a butt donut!" and "Uh oh...I know how they have to treat a broken coccyx...." I'll spare you the details, but just trust me on this one...you don't want to have to ever find out. :)

Thankfully I can stay in my house and study my little heart out for the next few days and I don't even have to brave this icy weather we're having if I don't want to. Right now that's sounding like a fantastic option to me!

"At the end of the day, I'd rather be disliked for who I am than liked for who I'm not."

Thanks for the great (and much-needed) quote Jeanna! Love you!